It was an early morning for all of us, we had to be at Addenbrooke's for 7.30 at the ward. Caitlin was 2nd on the list, & would have her Hickman Line fitted and some chemo. She finished her dinner at 7pm the night before and would then be Nil By Mouth until her procedure, which we thought would be in the morning. As usual though, we were wrong.
It was 5.30pm when she went down for the procedure. The op before hit a few complications and took most of the day. Caitlin has pretty much cried for most of the day. To tell a 4 year old that she can't eat is a difficult thing, and it's especially hard knowing Caitlin just thinks you're punishing her. That's been the traumatic part of today. The "why" question that Caitlin keeps asking but you have no answer for. Watching her cry, not knowing when she'll go down to theatre and all the time holding it together has been the hardest thing I've had to do so far in her recovery. It's not Caitlin's fault, and you can't get angry, even if you want to. I know we say it a lot, but it's just one of those things.
The next hardest thing? Watching Caitlin go under anesthetic knowing you won't be there to watch her wake up. I had to leave with Jessica & get her fed and to bed. She'd had the same long day we'd had and didn't have a snooze, and believe me, she was due one! I was on the road literally minutes when she dropped off.
I've spoken to Alisha since I got home. Caitlin came around kicking, screaming and scratching, the side effects of the general anesthetic unfortunately. She has calmed down and is eating now, her line all in. The chemo is going to be administered tomorrow so an overnight stay for Alisha and Caitlin. Jess and Daddy have the morning road trip.
We have seen the flow chart for her next stage of chemo, but in all honesty, it's mental and my brain is frazzled. I'll write up the details hopefully tomorrow when I've got my head around it.
xxx
Sending hugs to Caitlin x
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